A place where perverted internet searchers can meet and tickle.

Kids nowadays….

They want ipods instead of nerf guns, ipads instead of bicycles, and iphones instead of pirate hats.  Then, it gets to the point where they just say fuck this x box, I want a macbook so I can skype mad bitchez and take mad photobooth selfies (or with mad bitchez).

Kids used to do things like go to the ice skating rink and fall on their face, effectively fucking up their nose (Thomas Wolfmuller, circa 2000).  But now they have the internet, leaving their noses are safe and sound until they discover cocaine many years down the road.  Some people scowl at this technology enamored world, making audacious claims that one day normal human conversation will become obsolete, and everybody will text each other from 2 feet away.  The internet may be keeping them away from the ice cold embarrassment and broken dreams that the ice ring is known to muster up.

I would say that the internet is a strange place, but I don’t think the internet is a place, because if it was, a bunch of people would be hanging out there together taking mad selfies for facebook.  The internet is a strange net.  Part of this whole “blog guy” thing entitles me to see what people are typing in on search engines that leads them to this page.  This morning, I found a gem:

“white college goose with her black cock”

I’m not even sure what to make of that.  Is there a school for geese, up in the mountains somewhere?  Does cock mean rooster?  Lyrics to a slayer song?

I’m going to ahead and draw a conclusion here: cock means penis.  Bold claim, I know.  I still don’t get it.  Did this searcher want to see some black guy fucking a goose?  A college educated goose?  Maybe even one that belonged to a sorority?  Alpha-beta-get-fucked-by-a-black-guy-quack-gamma?

I’m not sure what I’ve wrote that google figured would tickle this guy’s bestiality fancy, but I’m glad I don’t have to come into contact with him.  I would never text him, not even from 2 feet away.

Thank you, google.

This is Thomas, the man who fell on the ice. Recently, he was kidnapped. Kidnapped by love. Love can be so inappropriately cruel when it takes hostage of someone. While most kidnappers cruelty comes in the form of rape and bodily abuse, love, on the other hand, forces you to do things like watch the movie "Titanic" and wear nice shirts to dinner. Thomas is a very brave man.